He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
