I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry about my life...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
