There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
