Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
