So drunk its hurt
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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