I haven't been this sober since birth.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
