so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
