Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize