why didn't you poke me back
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
