at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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