I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize