i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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