she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
