Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
