Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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