Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
