Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize