You just made me feel so damn special
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
