Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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