i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
