if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Randomize
