Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
