Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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