4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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