so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
