So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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