I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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