I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
