Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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