her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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