Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
