It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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