rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
