omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
