I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
