I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
