I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
