so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
