Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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