make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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