I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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