No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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