One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
