just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The air was thick with penises
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
