lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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