David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
