My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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