Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
