Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
