some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
