your thong is hanging out like whoa
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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