my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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