remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
