so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
