I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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