Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
