everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize