she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
