I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
