I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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