He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
