I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
