I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
