My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize