Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
