she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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