Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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