Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
