R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
