Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
