I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
