whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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