And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize