We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
