and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
