i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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