My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
