dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
