Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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