I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
