I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
