he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
