the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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