If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
