It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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