When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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