I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
