I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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