She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am one with the molecules
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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