I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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