i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
